First Trip to Spain, Where Should I go?

As the designated Guiri among my family and friend group, sometimes I get these really broad questions like "where should I go to Spain in the winter?" Because if there is one thing that Americans love, it's going to Spain on vacation. No matter the American's political leanings, social class, it doesn't matter, everyone loves to go to Spain. 

Americans also love road trips. Maybe it is our cowboy heritage, but the first thing the Americans think when traveling to Spain is, "I must rent a car and drive between the cities." Despite the fact that there are trains and airplanes and Spain is, relatively speaking, a rather small country. Nope. Americans look at the map of Spain and say, "wow it's only a 10 hour drive from Barcelona to Malaga. Easy drive, we can do it in a day."

I can't help you with your dependency on car travel, but I can help you find the right destinations to "do Spain." But first, it would help to know more about you and what you like to plan your trip. Use this easy quiz to find out Where You Should Go in Spain for your one-week trip.

1. Who is the most sympathetic anti-hero from television or movies?
A. Batman
B. Santa
C. Walter White
D. Don Draper
 
2. Is getting snowed in in a cabin in the mountains:
A. an ideal moment for hygge
B. the beginning of a horror movie
C. What? I couldn't hear you over the sound of my cross country skiis sliding over the crunchy snow
C. depends on what foods are stocked in said cabin

3. If you could be any classic American dessert, which would be the LEAST appealing?

A. Cheesecake brownie
B. Chocolate chip zucchini loaf cake
C. Banana split with cool whip topping instead of whipped cream
D. warm pretzel with deli brown mustard

4. You are at the beach and someone steals your towel. Do you..

A. Drop everything and make a denuncia
B. Grumble and buy another towel from the overpriced towel shop on the beach
C. Shrug it off and dry yourself with those tissue paper napkins from the chiringuito
D. Trick question, I never bring a towel to the beach, I just wrap myself in a sheet from the hotel room, toga-style.  

5. While traveling in NYC, what is your number one priority as a tourist?

A. I try to act like I am native New Yorker as much as possible--affect a Bronx accent, wear a lot of black, and complain that the egg and cheese at this bodega is not as good as the egg and cheese at "your" (fictional) home bodega.
B. Statue of Liberty, Empire State building, that street in Brooklyn where everyone takes a photo under the bridge, and the M and M store. Obvi.
C. There would be nothing more embarrassing for me than to be caught dining in a restaurant popular with "influencers". 
D. Underground rap concert in that abandoned Walmart warehouse near the docks. You know. The old Walmart.

If you answered mostly A, contact a travel agent. Yes, you could DIY your tour of Spain (and you probably really really want to) but let's not put your family through that. Feel free to email me your spreadsheets and timetables, though.

If you answer mostly B, you a classic. Go to Madrid, Seville, Granada. Or Barcelona, Valencia, Malaga. You will be happy anywhere.

If you answered mostly C, Spend the whole week in Barcelona. you are too cool for the rest of Spain. And when you go back to the states, and people ask how your vacation in Spain went, tell them, "I didn't go to Spain, i went to Cataluña"
If you answered mostly D, you are going to have to go off the beaten path..way WAY off the beaten path. You'll be the only guiri in Zamora, touring their famed Semana Santa Museum with the floats made out of farming implements. Or you're going to hang at the skate parks in Zaragoza. Whatever you do, please document it on social media for the rest of us normies.
If you answered 2 D and 1 A and 3 C, we should hang out and eat some La Campana bocadillos de calamaris in the Tirso de Molina plaza. 

One of my hobbies is buying the tackiest souvenir in the shop